Upset by 'unfounded' reports his party is fielding candidates with 'unsavoury pasts' in the local elections, Reform UK's chief vetting officer Norman Bates, has vowed to 'tighten up' procedures.
GEORGINA BROWN: Projected on to a screen is the figure of a man, pacing his cell like a caged bear, his shaved head a glistening ball - shiny as mercury, and just as impermeable.
Tradition has it that around this time of year, the line-up at Glastonbury is announced, and each fresh list of rock's grandees makes us all feel that little bit older.
Let me explain. The unecdote has similar rhythms to the anecdote, and is delivered with all the usual little pauses for laughter and self-deprecatory chuckles.
CRAIG BROWN: Author P. G. Wodehouse died peacefully, pipe in hand, 50 years ago on Valentine's Day 1975. At the age of 93, he was brushing up his latest novel, which was his 96th.