This is an edition of The Wonder Reader, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a set of stories to spark your curiosity and fill you with delight. Sign up here to get it every Saturday morning.

Over the years, my fellow Atlantic writers have published many bold arguments. But the case Ian Bogost made this month is perhaps one of the bravest in recent years: Flaking on plans is not so terrible, he argued. I likely found Bogost’s claim so controversial because I was a flake in earlier eras of my life, and the feedback I received suggested it was not a good thing. But Bogost’s philosophical case was quite sensible: “Flaking, taken selectively, allows you to acknowledge that life is porous,” he writes. “Errors seep through its gaps.”

Still, there are rules for flaking kindly and gracefully. Today’s newsletter explores the art of canceling plans, as well as the logistical woes that can make the act so unavoidable in the modern era.

On Flaking

How to Flake Gracefully

By Olga Khazan

An introvert’s guide to canceling without losing your friends

There’s No Shame in Flaking

By Ian Bogost

Embrace chaos. Don’t show up.

Podcast: What Do We Owe Our Friends?

By Julie Beck and Becca Rashid

A culture that prioritizes romance and family relationships can push people to undermine their friendships.

Still Curious?

The scheduling woes of adult friendship: To avoid the dreaded back-and-forth of coordinating hangouts, some friends are repurposing the shared digital calendar, a workplace staple, to plan their personal lives. Why you never see your friends anymore: Being busy is eliminating the joys of shared free time.

Other Diversions

Bama Rush is a strange, sparkly window into how America shops. What happened to Wirecutter? A crush can teach you a lot about yourself.

P.S.

In 2019, my colleague Olga Khazan described a creative approach to managing her flaking habit: She’d send her boyfriend to “social engagements in my stead, like a sad foreign minister from Flake Nation.” I’ll leave you with this option to sign one of your loved ones up for a very awkward political appointment.

— Isabel

This is an edition of The Wonder Reader, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a set of stories to spark your curiosity and fill you with delight. Sign up here to get it every Saturday morning.

I’ve always paid more attention to my beverage habits than is perhaps standard. I grew up in the early 2000s in a household that much preferred juice, soda, coffee, or really anything else to water. But this was also, as my colleague Amanda Mull noted in a recent article, an era in which beverage trends were slowly shifting away from sugary drinks. When I got to college, my friends immediately noticed my strange tendencies; I’d fill up a huge glass with apple juice from our cafeteria’s soda machine and cradle it the way they were holding their Nalgenes. Finally, sometime around sophomore year, I gave water a real chance. I wish I could say I made an active decision to be healthier, but I think I just got thirsty.

Whether or not you had a quarter-life beverage crisis like I did, we all associate different drinks with different moods, needs, and even eras of our lives. Some of us, like my colleague Jacob Stern, are “cut off from a whole sector of human experience” by virtue of an aversion to a certain beverage (in his case, seltzer, but I imagine the coffee averse can empathize). Physiology, habit, and marketing, among other factors, play a role in our beverage choices. Below is a collection of Atlantic articles on why we drink what we drink.

On Beverages

Always Have Three Beverages

By Amanda Mull

The correct number of drinks to keep at your desk

Seltzer Is Torture

By Jacob Stern

Soda hurts me, and I’m not alone.

You’re Probably Drinking Enough Water

By Katherine J. Wu

If you’re a healthy person worried about hydration, odds are, you’re getting plenty. But no one can say exactly what the right amount is.

Still Curious?

Drinking water is easy. Just add stuff to it. Do “water enhancers” actually enhance anything? You should ask a chatbot to make you a drink: AI is great at coming up with cocktail recipes, even as it fails at other tasks. Just don’t ask it to get too creative with the garnishes.

Other Diversions

The longest relationships of our lives Black holes swallow everything, even the truth. The greatest pogo stick the world has ever seen

P.S.

In my own beverage ecosystem, Saturday morning is the time for a great cup of coffee. I hope those of you who agree with me can enjoy one while reading our happiness columnist’s ode to the “miracle bean.”

— Isabel

This is an edition of The Wonder Reader, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a set of stories to spark your curiosity and fill you with delight. Sign up here to get it every Saturday morning.

One of the most wonderful by-products of my colleague Amanda Mull joining The Atlantic a few years back was the introduction of Midge into my life. Over the years, Amanda has often treated her Twitter followers and co-workers on Slack to photos of, and stories about, her “cranky, agoraphobic chihuahua,” as she called Midge in a 2021 article. This might sound a bit strange, but as a person who didn’t grow up with pets, I get a surprising amount of comfort from simply seeing snapshots of my colleagues’ and friends’ daily life with pets like Midge—little beings who have just as many quirks, moods, and worries as humans do (if not more).

Pets are playing a more and more pivotal role in modern life, particularly for Millennials: As Amanda explained in 2021, “For America’s newest adopters, a dog can be many things: a dry run for parenthood, a way of putting down roots when traditional milestones feel out of reach, an enthusiastic housemate for people likely to spend stretches of their 20s and 30s living alone. An even more primary task, though, is helping soothe the psychic wounds of modern life.”

Today’s newsletter is dedicated to pets—how we live alongside them, drive them crazy, and love them to depths they may never fully understand. (And don’t worry; our reading list doesn’t neglect cats.)

On Pets

Why Millennials Are So Obsessed With Dogs

By Amanda Mull

The only thing getting me through my 30s is a cranky, agoraphobic chihuahua named Midge.

Which Pet Will Make You Happiest?

By Arthur C. Brooks

Three rules to enhance the happiness of those looking to add a nonhuman to the household (From 2021)

The Case for Cats

By Katherine J. Wu

Cats are a biological marvel. That’s not (the only reason) why I love them.

Still Curious?

Why do humans talk to animals if they can’t understand?: The habit says more about people than about their pets. The pet-name trend humans can’t resist: Why would anyone name their dog Kyle?

Other Diversions

The new old dating trend An adorable way to study how kids get each other sick Aristotle’s 10 rules for a good life

P.S.

If you’re prepared to cry, I recommend spending a moment with the Atlantic contributing writer Peter Wehner’s love letter to his dog, Romeo, who died a few months ago. “A pet’s devotion, a close friend told me, creates a force field around our home, warding off the unpredictable and frightening realities of daily life,” Wehner writes. “In giving something that’s needed to a family, a pet becomes a part of it, insinuating its life into ours.”

— Isabel

This is an edition of The Wonder Reader, a newsletter in which our editors recommend a set of stories to spark your curiosity and fill you with delight. Sign up here to get it every Saturday morning.

Boundaries. Gaslight. Attachment style. If you spend any time online these days, you’re likely familiar with a whole slew of jargon that, in another era, you might have only discovered in a niche book or in a therapist’s office. These sorts of terms can offer clarifying frameworks for life’s challenges, but as they float around in the ether of our conversations, they’re also prone to misinterpretation.

Take the concept of boundaries. In a recent article, my colleague Olga Khazan wrote that the term has joined the annals of “misused psychology jargon”: “When you want someone to do something, throwing in the word boundary can lend the request a patina of therapeutic legitimacy.” As a Washington, D.C-based therapist told her, “I think people get dribs and drabs of therapeutic concepts or lingo, and then they swing them around like arrows.”

Today’s newsletter explores some of the psychological and behavioral ideas that many of us get wrong, and offers better ways to interpret them. It’s time to put those arrows down.

What We Misunderstand

The Most Misunderstood Concept in Psychology

By Olga Khazan

What are boundaries?

Attachment Style Isn’t Destiny

By Faith Hill

Our past experiences do shape our relationships. But we’re not doomed to repeat unhealthy patterns forever.

Are You Using Gaslight Correctly?

By Caleb Madison

One rule of thumb can help determine whether the word is being diluted.

Still Curious?

“I ruined two birthday parties and learned the limits of psychology”: Adam Mastroianni offers a primer on how not to talk to strangers. It isn’t about your love language; it’s about your partner’s: A framework meant to help people become more attuned to their partner now gets treated like a personality test.

Other Diversions

The truth about people who have no personality What in the world is happening on TikTok Live? You’re probably drinking enough water.

P.S.

If you’re looking for some new psychological frameworks that will assist you rather than confuse you, check out this list of eight self-help books that actually help.

— Isabel